Being fluid, being human, and never quite being fixed
No Rules Stamped On The Bathroom Mirror
For optimum health the wise ones say to eat all the flavors and colors in accordance with the balance your urges intelligently lead you to desire. I like that.
No rules or musts. No formulas or exact rituals stamped in stone on the bathroom mirror. But a fluid flush – like the essence of that urge that brought us here. And may I let it continue to guide my moments to the next door.
Until maybe I realize myself not desiring silence or apples or ants or hermit holes – because a change was never restricted from happening to my human.
Standing In Ice Cold Water
Our biggest lessons flood in, bombarding all our feelers inside and outside. And like standing in ice cold water, it’s easy to forget how to stay breathing – and even harder to remember to stay awake – as we are right smack dab in the center of an epic opportunity to grow.
Even when it doesn’t feel remotely like an opportunity. Even when it feels like the water is too cold and too deep and you’ve been standing in it for way too long already. Even then- maybe especially then- something is happening underneath the surface. Some recalibration. Some slow, unglamorous, very inconvenient growing.
The lessons don’t arrive when we’re ready. They arrive when they arrive. Bombarding all the feelers. Making it hard to breathe. And the only real choice in those moments is whether to stay awake inside it or go numb and wait for it to pass.
I fluctuate between the contrasts of off and on, conscious and not, light and dark- at a rate like old flickering vintage Christmas lights that there are no replacement bulbs for since 1987.
Light Bulbs Shouldn’t Flicker
I used to think my bulbs shouldn’t flicker. And if they did, something was terribly wrong and no one should see. And I should be fixed, especially before I could be worthy enough to share my heart and follow my dreams.
And this human sees now that that flicker is the best part of the light.
So much importance gets put upon being healed, balanced and fixed before pursuing the heart visions. There is a lot of pressure to get somewhere and to be something, to fix all the lights on the string and never flicker.
But it’s your flicker that, like gazing at the stars, gives that mystery that no one can ever quite catch. That even your own human doesn’t quite get. Yet is the very mystical light and dark tangoing through all of time, never weaving a flicker sequence in the exact same way twice.
The Fluid Flush
No formula will ever capture it. No ritual will ever contain it. No amount of fixing will ever produce it.
It was always the flicker. The fluid, unplanned, un-formulated, magnificent flicker – guiding you to the next door, and the next, and the next.
Loving every flicker of you,
Meghan